.:The Stand:.

by: Hillsong United

You stood before creation
Eternity within Your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
Carried the Cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon Your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I'll walk upon salvation
Your Spirit alive in me
This life to declare Your promise
My soul now to stand

So what can I say
What can I do
But offer this heart O God
Completely to You

So I’ll stand
With arms high and heart abandoned
In awe of the One who gave it all

So I’ll stand
My soul Lord to You surrendered
All I am is Yours

This song breaks me down every time we sing it during worship. I want to stand in complete 

abandonment to God, surrendering everything. 

God's been bringing to mind one specific thing from my past that I really don't want to deal with, let alone think about.

Here's how the convo goes:

God: Chelsea, we need to bring this to the light.

Me: Ugh God, no, please not right now.

God: Yes, Chels, right now. We need to get it over with.

Me: Please God. No! I don't want to deal with that shame.

God: Chelsea, you need to deal with that shame.

Me- now on my knees crying: Okay God, I'll try, but its gonna take some time.

God: That's okay. As long as its dealt with.

Me: I'm so sorry God.

*sigh*

 Its so hard being here, but i know its for my own good. God just wants to have me & all of    me, completely, without all of the junk of my past hindering communication & intimacy 

with Him.

Please...pray for me.

I'm gonna need it.

Intensely.